GrouchoCaesar [ Sunday, 11 November 2007, 10:02 AM ]
Post subject: The Discovery
Professor R. Wilson Maloney turned to look at his only link to civilization as it disappeared over a ridge. As the dull thump of the chopper blades faded away, he gave a heavy sigh and picked up his backpack with an unsteady, alcohol-fuelled lurch. He began walking towards the massive Egyptian canyons; pausing now and then to sip something potent from a large silver hip flask. The site he was headed towards glared in the hot afternoon light. The path he had to travel appeared to put the most rocks between him and his objective. It was going to be a long walk...
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An hour later, sweat-covered and sand-laden, Maloney staggered into a small encampment. He was greeted by a young man reclining in a deck chair under the shade of a large sun umbrella. Also sitting in the shade was a young attractive woman, who was busy taking dictation. The pair of them looked up in faint amusement, and then the young man got up and clasped Maloney's hand.
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Why, Professor, those little old legs of yours can really move, can't they? Miss Mannerly and I didn't expect you up here for another thirty minutes. Pull up a rock and sit down.
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Maloney did so, flask back in his hand. While unscrewing the lid, he glared at the young man.
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Pearson, what is so important that it requires my personal presence? He poured a sizable quantity of liquid into a tumbler extracted from his breast pocket, and continued.
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We don't pour money into this dig just so I have to come down here every time someone makes a find. That's why I hired you.
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Dismissing his secretary, Pearson rose from his seat again and motioned for the old man to follow him. In a dusty tent at the back of the site, strewn on a table before them, lay a variety of objects. Pearson pointed to a small rectangle. Closer examination by Maloney revealed it to be a slightly blackened circuit-board. Maloney snorted.
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If you dragged me here just to have my signature on an equipment replacement form I'll have your job for this. He angrily jabbed at the board, but Pearson quickly pushed his hand away.
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You don't understand, sir. This was found in one of the caves we excavated.
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You mean someone was here before us? Tomb robbers?
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No sir. This circuit-board is over four thousand years old.
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One minor myocardial infarction later, the now heavily soused Maloney followed Pearson into the main cavern. Night was upon them, and the fading light from outside soon gave way to powerful arc lamps. Although the lights pushed back the darkness, the cold night air still bit into Maloney, persuading him to take another gulp from the glass he was holding. Pearson smiled as together they walked up to the antiquated electronic behemoth that towered in front of them. It was cylindrical in shape and it was large a good two stories high and about twenty feet in girth. The outside of it was covered in what appeared to be thin sheets of bronze coated with the dust of the ages. In front of it was a stone slab or table of sufficient size to comfortably accommodate a sleeping man. The slab was lightly grooved on top. Over the slab were two large electronic arrays, quite dissimilar from each other. To one side was a large, deep rock-pool; filled with water. The water was surprisingly clean and clear. To the other side, there was a small podium made of a dark hard wood, with what were obviously the machine's controls set into the top. Maloney eyed the place quizzically.
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Four millennia? Are you sure of this? The slight slur to his voice did little to hide his skepticism.
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Yes sir, we used a mass spectrometer on samples of wood from the podium. We can only assume that the Egyptians knew more about science than we thought.
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What is it powered by?
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Solar panels. We think that is why it is here in the desert. They charge a massive capacitor, which discharges into the device.
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Do we know what this thing actually does? A prod at the machine rewarded Maloney with a shower of dust and a hearty sneeze. Displeased, he brushed himself off, being careful not to get anything into his glass.
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Well, Professor, this is the truly strange part. This may be hard to swallow but it appears to have something to do with fishing.
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Fishing? Here? Two hundred miles from the sea? Ninety miles from the nearest lake? The nearest river and that's being generous with the description twenty-five miles distant? What does it do, then, pluck them out of thin air?
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Pearson gave the old man a distinctly odd look. You know, Professor, it's funny you should say that. You see that large, bulbous array looming over that stone slab there? That's a matter transporter. Oh, Miss Mannerly could you get some water for no, never mind, he's getting up by himself.
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A matter transporter. How the hell did you come to that conclusion?
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We managed to get it running a couple of times until we blew the circuit-board. Greenpeace are not going to like it. The thing seems to seek out dolphins. I can't think of any logical reason to do something like that, though.
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Maloney bit down on the obnoxious comment that was about to escape his lips. While doing so, he noticed that the floor was littered with little white shells, and bent down to pick one up.
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You never were one for deduction, Pearson. The answer is obvious. Unless my eyes deceive me, there are two separate assemblies on that array, not one. And if one of those is a receiver, it's a good bet the other is a transmitter.
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As I can also attest to, getting to this place is a bitch on foot. Why would you set up a slaughter-house in an area where you have to walk long distances in serious heat to transport a perishable product, bearing in mind that even when this place was new the nearest settlement would've been 25 miles away at the riverbank?
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Also, there is no sign of blood, or of any plumbing or even simple channels in the ground to wash away surplus gore, which would make it an extremely nasty job. And then there's this.
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Maloney held up his find from the floor before tossing it gently to Pearson, who looked at it quizzically.
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It's a barnacle, Pearson. The floor is covered with them. Allowing for the premise that this is a dolphin butchery, why bother with the barnacles, especially right here?
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Pearson frowned, then smacked his forehead. Oh, wait a minute now I get it! It doesn't bring them in for food, it brings them to remove barnacles and parasites and then sends them back to sea.
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Maloney nodded. Fits the facts as well as anything else. Now, if we could prove it
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But we can! We've just finished fabricating a replacement board for the one that blew. We are going to power it up again tomorrow afternoon once the sun has charged it up. Care to watch the next attempt?
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The next afternoon, with the sun agreeably fierce, and the cavern filled with technicians, Maloney walked over to a seat provided for him just inside the entrance. Pearson was directing the work, but stopped to talk to the Professor.
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Capacitor is charged and we're all set to go I'll be manning the main console myself.
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Pearson walked down to the console and signaled an engineer. A dull hum filled the air as the device warmed up. The ancient machine glowed faintly, slightly vibrating. Pearson grinned at the assembled people.
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This machine shall bring us untold fame and fortune. You are about to witness our future prosperity! With a dramatic sweep of his hand, he pushed the first control. Crackling bands of energy enveloped the large stone slab and gradually a form evolved. The bands abruptly faded and an open-mouthed Maloney stared at a small squirming dolphin. Workers quickly placed the mammal into the pool. A veterinarian and a marine biologist examined the dolphin, conferring quietly with each other. Once they had decided on their verdict, the veterinarian strode over to Pearson and briefed him on their findings. His eyes lit up and he turned back to the waiting crowd.
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It's a female porpoise! Healthy and active! Put her on the slab, and let's send her back.!
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As soon as the porpoise was returned to the slab, Pearson hit the second switch. An ominous rumble came from the machine, and Pearson moved to shut it off. He was thrown back by a powerful electric shock as the control panel fused. Again the crackling and humming began, only faster and louder. To Pearson's dismay, porpoises began appearing at the rate of one every few seconds. Soon the pool was filled with cetacean life, and people were hard-pressed to clear the slab fast enough. The rumble increased into a high-pitched whine, the machine began violently shuddering, and streams of wild energy whipped around the cavern. People ran for the exit Maloney at the head of the crush and only Pearson hung back, reluctant to leave.
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As Maloney reached the comparative safety of the tents, he saw Pearson finally emerge from the cave mouth. Seconds later a deafening explosion lit up the sky, and the manager was hurled on top of Maloney. Debris and smoke filled the sky and the ground shook. With a final echoing crash the cave collapsed, billowing dust and fumes. Everyone was covered by a thin film of sticky fluid and pulverized rock. As the dust settled, the silence was broken by Maloney giggling and picking himself up. Pearson was furious, his dreams of wealth and fame fading quickly. He stared at Maloney, whose laugh had turned to maniacal howling.
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What the hell is so funny, Maloney? I've just lost the archaeological find of a life-time!
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Still chuckling, his face streaming with tears of laughter, Maloney gave a heavy sigh and helped Pearson to his feet.
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Never mind, Pearson, he said, brushing gobs of dolphin meat from Pearson's shirt, You'll always be able to claim finding the worlds first multi-porpoise cleaner!
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<i>(R Wilson Maloney is a character that pops up a lot in my short comic SF stories. In this, his first one, he comes off rather smarter than usual -- he's developed over the years into something akin to Wile E. Coyote without the fur...! I first wrote this story in 1985, but was unhappy with it and tossed it in a virtual drawer for twenty-odd years. Pulled it out and looked at it when hunting for things to post here, and decided to polish it up - sort of -- and send it out into the big, bad world...)
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GrouchoC.</i>