Our french teacher wants to make a stage play for the next school project , and I took care of it. I'm sure nobody will agree to produce such a play full of black humor ,and social/political elements, but I wrote this one just to see my teacher's expression   , and because I had nothing to do during the classes. It sounds very good... in my language, but I'll try to translate it. There are 4 characters in the first action : Agonia (Agony) , Depressia (Depression), Morten (there was a roman god of death with this name) ,and Nobody (Morten's brother). When I write "censored" the actors will tell nothing, there will be a sound   .
        
                                                        First action
Agony: I'm not agreed!
Depression: I just don't care!
Agony: I'm still thinking that you must apologize to me!
Depression: Never!
Agony: I'm going to call the tax-collector,and tell him where you're hiding!
Depression:  T-t-t-t-tax -collectors! I'm sorry,I'm sorry,I'm really sorry.
Agony:(talking to the audience) "Ars lo-o-o-o-nga ,vita brevis!" "Life is sort , and when you have problems with the tax-collectors, it becomes shorter!" Don't forget to pay your taxes! Thank you!
Depression: These tax-collectors made my spirit so low! Maybe that 's why they  gave me my grand-mother's name Depressia.
Agony:Your grand-mother had problems with the tax-collectors too?
Depression: Not exactly! My grandfather worked as tax-collector.
Agony:Well, that's bad. I mean it's not very good to have problems with tax-collectors .But when a tax-collector is (censored)ing you it's worse! By the way is your grandmother still alive?
Depression: Yes.
Agony: What is she doing?
Depression:She's confiscating!
Agony:Confiscating?
Depression: Yes. When my grandparents got divorced she got everyting he had stolen the last 20 years...
Agony:What a great woman!
Depression: I agree with you Agonia.What a great woman! By the way what happened with your ex-boyfriend?
Agony:He has stolen my car, and then the police gave me back the car broken to pieces,and the boyfriend... I believe. You know how many  road incidents happen in this country. Some gangster named Kotio The Garlic crashed my car . A-a-a (crying)
Depression: Don't cry. It's over now! You'll find another boyfriend!
Agony:I worked 2 years to buy this car! It was very old car... but..I..I loved it..and...and ....then...this Garlic with his new jeep... just...just...killed it! (crying again)
Depression: Don't worry! I'll give you my car.
Agony:Really?
Depression:Yes. I'll give you also my flat, my house in the village, my grandmother's lands , I'll give you even my favourite mattock to work in the fields.
Depression:(talking to the audience) And then SHE will have problems with the tax-collectors! HA-HA-HA!
Agony:Somebody's knocking on the door. Quick ! Hide!
Morten: Did you know about that?
Agony: Oh! It's just Morten! Show yourself , Depressia! It's just Morten.
Morten: Did you know about that?
Depression: About what?
Morten: My brother will commit a suicide after 10 days. He wrote a letter to Agonia.
Agony:"Nobody" will commit a suicide!
Depression: Give it to me!
Morten: I can't . Agonia must read it!
Depression: But you readed it , Morten! You know he'll commit a suicide!
Morten: Of course I readed it . I'm his "big brother" and I must watch him all the time!
Depression: I got it! " Dear Agonia, I LOVE you!" Hey, that's a love letter!
Agony: Give me the letter! (reading) "... but there are things that will destroy our beautiful love. Remember me! My life just seems in vain , just like your life, and I'm glag I shared it with you. Now I must say good bye forever. And remember there are no dominants on the other side! Nobody."
Agony: " no dominants"?
Depression: What it means?
Agony: Don't know.
Morten : It means that everything is possible!
Agony: A-a-a-a! (crying)
Depression: Come down , Agonia! Everything will be all right! I promise you . I...I.. (crying) .... TOO!
Morten: Come on girls!
                         Nobody enters without being noticed.
Nobody: What happens? Agonia?
Agony:I hate you!
Nobody:Did you read my letter?
Agony: Yes! Die if you want to! (censored)!
Depression: Come down Agonia!
Morten: I didn't know you're serious about this "suicide" thing. I think that you just want to (censored) Agonia!
Agony: Grrrr! (censored)!
Nobody:I love you Agonia!
Agony: Die!
Nobody: It's not my fault!
Agony:And who is guilty this time? Me or the country?
Nobody:Everybody's guilty. Me , you , Depressia , my brother, the country!
Depression: What a tragedy!
Agony: What a tragedy!
Morten: Stop! Let him explain!
Nobody: All this began when I had a strange dream. I saw our mother 's house and the tax-collectors confiscated the house , without even tell us , and then they sold it!
Morten: It wasn't a dream! The tax-collectors sold the house in 2001.
Nobody: Yes, but I had that dream before that. Then I had another strange dream. This time the tax-collectors gave our flat for sale.
Depression: So, what?
Nobody : They'll sell our flat!
Morten: Wait. Try to remember what was the clock when they sold the flat. We can still donate it to... Agonia!
Agony: You're always doing your tasks when your time is running out , Morten!
Morten: It's not my fault! Why you're telling me this when it's too late, Nobody?
Nobody :I was busy! I was writing my letter to Agonia.
Agony: You (censored)! (censored)! (censored)!
Depression: It was just a dream!  They will not sell your flat... probably!
Agony: I hate you , Nobody! I hate you! You (censored)!
Nobody: Quiet! That's not all! Did you remember uncle Mortis who lives in America?
Morten: Yes what about him?
Nobody:He's getting back! We have no more uncle Mortis in America!
Depression: Well, that's a real tragedy! I'm so so sorry!
Agonia: Idiot!
Depression:But your uncle is ritch, does not he?
Morten: No. He's a hasard maniac!
Nobody: Now we must pay his debts! We think he would save our flat , but he's not to be relied on!
Depression: Well boys , welcome to the club!
Nobody : And then I turned on the TV and I saw something terrible.... I saw... I saw... the news!
Agony: Liar!
Nobody: The newsguy said that there was a war ... somewhere , but now it's over...
Morten: Hey , that's a good piece of news!
Nobody: Yes, but then he said that our boys must go participate again, because they missed all atentats and there are no enough victims , so we must sacrifice some human lives for one better peaceful world , without wars...
Depression: But you're too old to go in the army?
Nobody: Yes , but my son went to the army.
Morten:Quickly! Tell him not to go...
Nobody: It's too late!
Depression: Maybe he'll survive, maybe they'll not kill him , he's crazy enough to survive.
Agony: She's right , in this country only the mad peole can survive...
Nobody: What kind of country is this anyway?
Morten: A dead country...
Nobody : And what kind of citizens are we?
Depression: Persecuted by the tax-collectors...
Agony:... agonizing...
Morten: ...half-dead peole!
Nobody : Let the funeral begins!
                       Some funeral music, dark lights , and curtains.


So, what do you think? Is it enough scandalized?

Ahhh... the Tax Man! I'm having my own fun with him.

I like your style. It should be an interesting piece if it ever saw the stage. I can see it performed by the four actors in simple clothing, on a very minimalistic set, with spotlights on the characters alone, the rest of the stage in gloom...

Let us know the reaction  

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Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by." - Douglas Adams

My french teacher just " love" it . I'm sorry I had not a photographic camera to catch her expression. Then she said something I couldn't understand because she screamed so many words at once. Maybe she was trying to say : "Oh! Why me? This students will destroy me! Now we have no time to write anoter one! My colleagues will laugh at me! " And this is just the first action!   There is a second one ,and a third one and anoter one...   I even holded out to put a coffin in the stage for the second action... There is a tax man in the second action looking for Depressia. Agonia tell her to hide in the coffin and then  tell the tax man that Depressia just died , and then starts crying (as always). While the tax man is trying to calm her Nobody enters and can't believe in is eyes...his beloved betraied him with a tax man!   I offered my french teacher to play Agonia...
P.S. I can write the second action , if there is somebody interested in it.

I, for one, would love to read it  

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Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by." - Douglas Adams

you have a gift for writing, i loved it. It's very creative   

I'll write the second action when I go back from school. I believe there will be a stage play just because of the shortage of time to write another one. And te french teacher is too proud to miss the poject.
I'll post some pictures from the play if there will be a play.   But I still don't know where can I find a free coffin.    Bye for now, I must go to school...  

As far as a free coffin. I think we can dig one up around here somewhere fo you to borrow.
Very interesting! I think it has a twist and is very creative.

Second action  

Agony: I wonder how he'll do it...
Depression: How he'll do what?
Agony: Kill himself.
Depression:I'm not sure he'll commit a suicide , he's just trying every possible to make you notice him.
Agony: Are you sure? Morten made me order this coffin and reserve a place in the town area's crypt.
Depression: I didn't find out when this "suicide" thing became serious. But why you're listening to what Morten ask you? Go and  dissuade him. Tell him that you love him or something like that! Have Ito teach you what to do?
Agony:I'll discourage him as quick as possible.
Depression: Fine! And now...
Agony: Somebody;s knocking on te door. Hide! It may be the tax-collector!
Depression: I'm tired of all this hiding! I had not told anyone I'm here.
Agony: Wait! Let me ave a look! e looks like tax man. Hide in the coffin!
Depression: No!  
Agony:I'm coming mister tax collector!
Depression: OK.
The Tax man : Are you Depressia Vahalska?
Agony:Well...not....(looking at the coffin)... she just... it happened last night...poor Depressia....so suddently! A-a-a (crying)
The Tax man : Come down citizen!
Agony: She was so young... and...(crying)
                                    Nobody enters in the room.
Nobody:What is all that noise about? Agonia? You and this...this...tax-collector! I wrote you a letter! Traitor! (censored)!
Agony: But I...
Nobody: There are too much street-walkers in this county! (censored) (leave the room)
The Tax man: I'll come later. (leave the stage)
Depression: And what are we going to do now ?
Agony:Don't know. I was thinking It would be a good idea to say you're dead because the tax men would leave you alone...
Depression:Now they'll confiscate all my immovable property and turn it into state property! And what I'm suppose to do now, Agonia?
Agony: Mmm...call your grandmoter...
Depression: I'm going to talk with Morten of the so-called "suicide".You stay here! And next time when somebody's knocking on door , you hide in the coffin and pretend to be dead!

                                                    Third action  

                        ( Morten's trying to make a gibbet for his brother. Nobody isn't so excited
                                                             about hanging himself )

Nobody: Just drive it in the ceiling!
Morten: I can't . The step-ladder is too short.
Nobody: But I can't hang myself witout gallows!
Morten: We still can hang you from the balcony...
Nobody:(running is fingers over his neck) No. It's too cold out there! Maybe we should try in the kitchen...
Morten:Are you serious , or you're just attempting to make some play-act , and make me nail Agonia's house?
Nobody:Don't even make mention of her . She's just anoter (censored)!
Morten:I trought you was in love.
Nobody: She's a street-walker! No! She's a call-girl! Yesterday , while I was hesitating about hang myself or take a poison I accidentally entered in the living room and can you believe what I saw?
Morten: A coffin? We bought it to you. You didn't like the coffin?
Nobody: No. I saw a tax man looking for Depressia and Agonia crying ang blarneying him.
Morten: You're just AGONIZING!
Nobody: It was true. And I spend 3 hours writing the letter to her. I'll never fall in love again.
Morten: I'm sure you wouldn't . So what do you choose to hang yourself here or in the kitchen?
Nobody: I'm not very entusiastic about the hanging. Mabe I should go in the kitchen and look for some mice poison...
Morten: You're such a child! What I'm supposed to do with tis step-ladder?
Nobody: Well, put it back in the lumber room.
Morten: Wait I got it! Why don't nail the gallows in the step-ladder? It's enough stable!
Nobody: Well...
Morten: Ok. Now come here! Any last words?
Nobody:Good... bye... big ...brother...
Morten:Do want to see the girls for a last tome ?
Nobody: No. You know them! They would not stop crying. Remember me!
Morten: Say "Hello" to mom from me! Are you ready?
Nobody:Well... I'm afraid!
Morten: Come on! You're a big man! There is nothing to be afraid of! Ready?
Nobody:Well...I...don't..
                                          Depression enters
Depression: Morrten I must talk to you!
Morten: Em.. Later!Can't you see we're busy here?
Depression: Now!
Morten: Ok.
                                           Nobody stays alone in the room.
Nobody: A gallows? Don't like it. And the coffin was so narrow. I must find  another way to kill myself and put this step-ladder in the lumber room. ( talking to the audience) Please! Don't tell my big brother...
 
                                                     To be continued....
P.S. Are " street-walker" and " call-girl" bad words witch I have to censure?

No censorship, it's your art...      

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