An email to Death." You lazy , ignorant , cheatful a*seful , this is the third time YOU ( yes , mister you) made a laughing stock of me! You know what? I hate you ! Yup , I hate cause you 're a liar! We had a date if you don't remember. And don't you even think of mentionning your agenda again! I have heard about your overloaded agenda exactly 573 times ( yes I count them) . This time the : "I have lot of appointments babe!" won't work! You promised me! Just for your information I 'm going to tell you how much time took me to prepare for the date . Do you think you're the only one who has lot of unpleasant tasks? Well , you're wrong! Your so-called "job" is simply going to one place to another and making fun by scaring poor superstitious people : "Booo! Fusss!" and that's all. Big deal! Besides , it 's not you who pay for the transport,isn't it? But when it comes to an appointment , you , the same guy who likes to scare old rich fat millionaires with your cool black gothic robes and old-fashioned scythe ( like you have ever worked on the fields. I bet you even don't know how to hold it properly) , you , you mister chikened out and made lot of trivial , semi-serious excuses like :"Maybe next time after 10 year or so!" , "Right now , I have to pay a visit to the pope , you know he's pretty famous and have waited much more than you." or my personal favourite : "I won't come unless you (me?) pay lot of effort , since it's you (me again?) who's asking for a date you have to do something about it. It's your (oh, mine) invitation!" Oh, really? This time a made a whole dinner myself . Do you know at how many occasions I cook? Have you ever made even a simple salad? Firstly I made your favourite hemlock soup. And it wasn't easy even to fing the recept. And I hae searched for hemlock a whole week , only because you wanted that "beep" soup. I'm wondering how was this Socrates fella able to find hemlock back in the antiquity when there was no supernarkets , grossay shops or Internet and no home delivery too. So I cooked you your precious soup for 4 hour. Do you get it? 4 (in words "four") hours!!! Then I made a rat poison dish , an excellent one :I'm talking about Warfarin , it took me even more time cause I don't have rats in my place. After that I thought you may like some sort of drink (What kind of date would it be without drinks) so I made drinks. And when I say drinks I mean really cool drinks. I made a great coctail with vodka , barbiturates , aspirins and paracetamol. Then I thought you may not like it so I put everything I found in the medicine chest along with the coctail in the shaker and made an alternative coctail. I call it "Grey vomiting fantasy" . And not to mention the antifreeze. And what have you done? You simply forgot to come like the last time. You liar! I hate you! For a desert I found some cyanide , cause I know you love it soooo much! And you simply skip , just like that! Guess what I also created a comfortable atmosphere so you can feel like home (whatever that means) , I turned on the gas stove , found your favourite Pink Floyd balad , turned it on and waited , waited, waited ,WAITED!!! So what are you going to say now in your defense mister I-have-certain-requirements-for-a-date? Doesn't this much your famous requirements? I hate you even more , after writing all that I have done for a simple date!!! There's no need to reply me cause I know what you're going to say! So *beep*!"
Note : This is for entertaiment only , don't use any of the "recipes" I really don't what's the effect!
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