Have you ever wondered what people are thinking when they make or select signs?

Here are some, that I hope were attempts at humor, but I suspect they were posted as serious statements.

In the marque box in front of a church:
  [i:cf727f84f0]Lost? Alone? Don't go to hell all by yourself, come in and let us help you.[/i:cf727f84f0]

A sign in front of a dining hall for people down on their luck:
  [i:cf727f84f0]We have pleanty of food.  Don't go eating garbage out of dumpsters in back alleys, come eat ours instead.[/i:cf727f84f0]

On a drop box:
   [i:cf727f84f0]No Toxic Waist[/i:cf727f84f0]

Behind a checkout counter:
  [i:cf727f84f0]Satisfaction or you money back[/i:cf727f84f0]
directly below that sign:
  [i:cf727f84f0]All sales final, NO EXCEPTIONS[/i:cf727f84f0]


A sequence of instructions on a VCR cleaning tape:
    [i:cf727f84f0]Press Stop Now[/i:cf727f84f0]
   a ten second pause in the  presentation of the instructions then
    [i:cf727f84f0]Press Eject Now[/i:cf727f84f0]
   Another ten second pause and then
    [i:cf727f84f0]Do not rewind tape[/i:cf727f84f0]

On the label of a cleaning product:
  1.  Apply <product name> to surface to be cleaned
  2.  Let sit for 1 minute (50 seconds)
  3.  Wipe surface clean
  4.  Repeat

On a sign is a stairway.
   [i:cf727f84f0]Never say no to a customer[/i:cf727f84f0]
  The sign above that one:
   [i:cf727f84f0]Authorized personnel only, No customers allowed[/i:cf727f84f0]

In a manual:
   [i:cf727f84f0]WARNING Read entire manual before opening package[/i:cf727f84f0]

The package it was talking about was the box that contained the product.  The manual was in a plastic bag within a small cardboard box, that was inside of a larger cardboard box, that was wrapped in heat shrink plastic, that was stored inside of the casing of the product, that had been closed with screws, that was encased in styrofoam, that was enclose in the shipping box, that was sealed with tape and strapping (metal straps).


Pangor

     !!

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What are you wearing?   Are we still talking about lmao lmao lmao?

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I won the Loebner prize !

          

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I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to just try and keep control over this group of bozo's at the Nut house errr...Clubhouse! --Guilty Pleasures Chief of Bozo's

Okay those are quite funny. Now I add one. Not really a sign, but it has to do with signs..

I am not sure everyone knows but a big thing here state side is these nail boutique's. People go in and have their fingernails done by these "professional" nail people. Here's the funny part....

I was asked to do an airbrushed sign for one of these nail boutiques, they wanted the predominate part of the sign to advertise their airbrushed nails........

I refused to do this for two reasons, the first was told to the owner. I don't have the equipment needed to make this sign. (I really don't own an airbursh setup) the second reason which was never given to the owner but was the main reason, Why does a business that is advertising the professional airbrushed figernails need to hire an artist for to make their sign, really why don't they make their own?

Hawktoey, that reminds me of something that I had forgotten about.

Years ago in the administration offices of a CC.  I was recording fund expenditures, I noticed a couple of  requests for signage.  That struck me as strange since the CC provided training for the apprentices of the Graphic Arts local, including apprentices who worked at signage firms.   One of the requests came from the Graphic Arts department.

Even though it cost the CC much more to outsourcing the signage needs, politics and union relations prevented the CC from making their own signage.  It seems that I was the only one concerned about not squandering the funds provided by the taxpayers, my concerns were unpopular.

Pangor

The other day when I was in a supermarket, one where I don't shop too often I saw several signs that make me wonder about the person incharge of the wording of those signs.

First a little background for those who may not be faimilar with the slang  that gave these signs a double meaning.  For many year standard shopping cart design has provided a seat for babies and younger childern so to free the hands of the parent for shopping.  These days many of the shopping carts also have seat belts built in.  In American and British slang to belt someone is to hit that person, as in striking them with a belt.  In practice it mean to give a single hard or sharp slap or punch.

In this store it seems that have established a policy of requireing all childern sitting in the seats of the shopping carts to be secured in place by the seat belts.  In the shopping cart corral just inside of the door, and repeated elsewhere in the store, there were several signs on this subject, worded as.

[list:24c737fdc7]
[*:24c737fdc7]Childern in this store will be belted.
[*:24c737fdc7]Childern must be belted at all times.
[*:24c737fdc7]Unbelted childern must leave.
[*:24c737fdc7]Belt your child, NOW!
[/list:u:24c737fdc7]

On the door before entering the store: All childern will be belted upon entry to this establishment.

Next to that sign on the door was another:  Please help prevent child abuse.


 

Pangor

    


 

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Where I now work, just yesterday, one of the workers who was going to a site meeting with the boss, stuck his head into the office and said to the boss...

'You ready to go in five minutes?'

'Yes.' the boss replied.

'Okay,' says the worker, 'I just need ten minutes to get ready.'

We fell about laughing for all of those five, or ten, minutes.  

Some funny stuff in this topic. We should keep it going  

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Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by." - Douglas Adams

A place we call "reality. "I'm not sure if I am ready for that yet.

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I won the Loebner prize !

Me either, sweetie. Me either!

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Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by." - Douglas Adams

Nobody is [i:e07f842d2a]ever[/i:e07f842d2a] ready for reality.  And still it comes.

Pangor